I made up my mind. I'm filing a lawsuit against the Catholic church.

I was NEVER molested as a child, even though I spent seven years in a Catholic school, and an additional four in Sunday school.

Do you have any idea how that has weighed on my mind growing up? What? I wasn't as attractive as the other altar boys? I deserve my fair share after what that institution has done to me... or failed to do to me... you know what I mean.

And speaking of such things, the process is underway to choose a replacement for the late Pope John Paul II ("Ringo" to his friends). Predictably, the New Pope will not be to everyone's liking.

I suspect that after a few months with the new Pope, we'll go back to Classic Pope.

And the less said about the Crystal Papacy, the better...