LBP'S 20TH ANNIVERSARY FAREWELL THROW DOWN

Like Brett Favre, KISS and Cher, the Low Budget Pictures consortium has announced their retirement. The brainchild of one Chris Seaver (as if there were more than one), who, at the tender age of 12, conceived, shot and completed four movies in one afternoon. Twenty years later he and his loyal compatriots have a completed catalog equal to Bollywood’s annual releasing schedule.

Seaver and the gang leave behind a legacy that will not be matched in our lifetime. Among their titles include Anal Paprika, Filthy McNasty, Terror at Bloodfart Lake, Carnage for the Destroyer, Wet Heat, Mulva: Zombie Asskicker, Mulva 2: Kill Teenape, Quest for the Egg Salad, The Destruction Kings and Heather and Puggly Cockblock the Apocalypse.

They have brought to life such characters as the titular “Teen-Ape”, the time-traveling misogynist semi-simian and heart-throb; Mulva, the titular chocolate-addicted scourge of the underworld; the dentally-challenged uber-lesbian Puggly and her sister, the intestinally-challenged Heather; the pigmentally-challenged Mr. Bonejack; and, of course, the enigmatic Stamos Configuration.

It is not hyperbole to say that no other independent film company has crafted such an elaborate world or as definitive a style as Seaver and LBP. With a character roster larger than that of The Simpsons or South Park, portrayed by Seaver, Meredith Host, the adjective-defying Indovina Brothers (and the Indovina Sister), Casey Bowker, Jesse Ames, Josh Suire, Matt and Emily Meister, Jason McCall, Lauren P. Seavage, Shawn Green, A.J. Stabone, Noel Williams and special guest stars including the likes of Billy Garberina (Feeding the Masses), Trent Haaga (Terror Firmer), Doug Sakmann (The Re-Penetrator), Henrique Couto (Demon Divas and the Lanes of Damnation), Andy Copp (The Atrocity Circle), Troma President Lloyd Kaufman and the Undisputed Queen of Independent Cinema Debbie Rochon, the LBP gang have battled sex-crazed demons, pretentious vampires, transvestite crime lords, Satan, rednecks, nerds, geeks, fools, tools, and John Hughes stereotypes with irreverence, scatology and aplomb.

Their movies have played far and wide, on screens in theaters and on TVs in hotel rooms. Fan favorites, convention favorites, VIPs and personas-non-grata. Controversial, satirical, psychotic, tasteless, brilliant, ludicrous, energetic—often in one single shot—the independent film world will not see their likes again.

Personal anecdote: It was always my dream to appear in a Low Budget Pictures’ movie.

…No, wait, not “dream”… that other thing… “dread”.

It has always been my dread to appear in a Low Budget Pictures film. And that dread/dream was fulfilled a few years ago when I was asked to portray the character “Brick Stackmeat” (or was it “Stack Brickmeat”?) in a movie that…well, never saw the light of day. But that’s okay, because by the end of the shoot, four more movies had been conceived by the feverish mind of Chris Seaver including the very-near-mystical-experience Deathbone! 

But we have come here to bury LBP not praise them (strike that, reverse it). So it is with heavy heart and dangling fortitude that I invite everyone within the sound of my typing to the afore-titled: LBP's 20th Anniversary Farewell Throw Down/ 35mm film and Video fest!

Held this coming weekend (okay, tomorrow), February 12, 2011, in the gorgeous Palace Theater in even-more gorgeous Syracuse, NY, join the likes of which you’ve never seen the like and witness pure LBP splendor (Splenda will also be provided) during this all-day, all-night and part-of-the-next-morning extravaganza. Films include:

* LBP’s Teenape Goes To Camp

* LBP’s Geek War

* AND the premiere of the TROMA/LBP Rough Cut of Teenape Vs The Monster Nazi Apocalypse starring Debbie Rochon—never before screened and unlikely ever to be screened again!

And if that weren’t enough there’s also:

* JR Bookwalter’s 80’s Zombie Classic The Dead Next Door featuring the

voice of Bruce Campbell and produced by Sam Raimi!

* 35MM 80’s action cheese fest Never Too Young To Die starring John Stamos and Gene Simmons

* 35MM 80’s slasher gem Blood Rage

* and the very special showing of “remember when Mel wasn’t a douschebag” The Road Warrior!

The evening will be hosted by a variety of famous people but more importantly Amy Lynn Best and myself, joining the fun, doing the frug, dealing the drugs, bringing in the noize and neglecting the funk.

Tickets at the door are just $15 (just less than $2 per movie, for pete’s sake!). The fun starts at 4pm, ends a little after, picks up again immediately and lasts a lifetime.

When asked “Where were you when LBP called it a day?” don’t be that guy who has to say “Drunk, crying and alone and covered in sperm”. There’s absolutely no reason for you to be alone.

Click HERE, read more, rinse, repeat and see you tomorrow. 

Stuff we did on our last weekend off...

Had a very unproductive weekend. Primarily, we laid around and did as little as possible. I had utterly no motivation to do anything and was unsuccessful at fighting it. Aside from some cursory Sirens work, all I really accomplished was watching a few movies. To wit:

Cloverfield: Okay, so we had to go out to see this one. At a packed theater in the South Side (and, yeah, Jordan, like I said - I ignored you because you don't call someone in a movie theater! Especially if you're in the same theater. It's an unwritten rule that should be friggin' written!) sitting three rows from the screen. I was pre-disposed to liking this because of the pretentious dick on NPR who disdained it's shaky camera and that it "didn't bring anything new to the giant monster genre". And true to my disposition, I liked it. A lot. Having spent the last decade watching backyard, no-budget movies, I barely noticed the shaky cam and thought, from a stylistic and thematic point of view, that the movie was a real success. To no surprise, the movie grossed a bushel of money, guaranteeing sequels galore, which I'm fine with. But since it's J.J. Abrams, I'm sure midway through the second installment, it'll all fall apart but we'll have too much invested to stop watching.

Transformers. Big, dumb, noisy. And ridiculously long. I missed it in the theater but, ironically, don't feel like I missed anything at all.

War. Jet Li vs. Jason Statham. And this is the best they could come up with? Lackluster story, uninspired action (Corey Yuen, what the hell happened to you?). Ridiculous, tacked-on ending. Bleah.

Hairspray. I was actually doing a bit of work while this was on but enjoyed it anyway. It didn't change my life, but the original didn't either. Fun. Not enough Christopher Walken. And someone should teach John Travolta the difference between a Baltimore accent and a Pittsburgh accent. It did make me miss Divine.

Brokeback Zombies. Jeff and Pam Fugate run Hell's Orphans, which I'm sure you've seen at countless conventions. They're two of my favorite people and they seem to be raising their child correctly (he'll be cannibalizing the mailman in no time). Their latest is a marked improvement over their first movies--and that isn't meant to be a back-handed compliment. I love watching filmmakers evolve. This is a fun romp with the undead but doesn't contain the man/male zombie love that the title implies, sadly. And Jeff gives the best performance in the movie. (There's a little testimonial by Lloyd Kaufman included. We spent a few minutes trying to figure out which con it was shot at. Twisted Nightmare? Monster Mania? No - finally, I figured it out: fucking Genghis Con II!)

Teen Ape Goes to Camp. Every time we run into Chris Seaver and the Low Budget Pictures gang, we end up with nine or ten of their latest movies, three of which were shot and edited prior to lunch. This was one of them. I'm not a Teen Ape fan, but this installment made me one. And it contained two of my favorite jokes: "Camp Idonwanna" and "Dude, Where's Mein Kampf?" I plan to use these both in casual conversation from now on.

Film Crew. Enjoying TAGtC as much as we did, we decided to make it a double feature (especially since something called Foot Ball pre-empted The Simpsons). Film Crew features some of my favorite LBP actors - Meredith Host Von Bonage, Jason McCall and Noel Neill - and one of my least favorite, Josh Suire, who has, on several occassions, made my flesh crawl clean off my bones. Josh, however, in both Film Crew and TAGtC, is hysterical. Granted, there was a level of safety involved - Josh was inside my TV where he couldn't hurt me. But, damn, he was funny as the demented Caspian. Although I suspect that Seaver based that character on Josh himself but couldn't find anyone else to play him that day.

All in all, it was a weekend well-spent. Except I couldn't figure out why, after a day of inactivity, I was so tired. Then I realized: I was relazed. It was a weird, alien feeling. Fortunately, it resulted in another bout of insomnia, so everything was back to normal.

The only announcement I have from the weekend is to tell everyone to run out and buy the new issue of Fangoria 270. I have another article in there, about the new 40th Anniversary documentary of Night of the Living Dead. AND there's an unprecidented (for us, anyway) 3-star/disc review of A Feast of Flesh, which made us feel all warm and fuzzy (like a lollipop left under the sofa). Run out and get it while you can - don't let there be a hole in your precious Mike Watt collection. Someday, there will be a museum. Sooner, rather than later, if I have any say in it.

Oh, and I'm turning old this coming Saturday. Send me gifts. Or, at least, condolences, but gifts are preferable. Go here and be generous.

Finally, Andy Copp's new blog is priceless. I've seen it before, but it bears repeating.

EDIT: New article posted on Film Threat about "the greatest western since Unforgiven". Read it HERE.